It’s better to be bitter than to seem like a fool

I hate that it took me too long to understand. That it took me too long to understand why you were calling out for me. Why you so desperately hated me for what I did too you, even though you loved me for doing it.

We will never be the ones we were, we will never mean what we once meant to one another. You have your life, I have got mine. A sneak peek once in a while, always with a hinch of despair and a nagging thought of who we could have been. In secrecy we look at what we really wanted our lives to be like, in secrecy we long for who we really wanted to have on speed dial. An utopia never to be true again.
I do not love the you that are of today. But I do love us. The us that once were, the us that conquered the world, the us that did not fear the darkness of the night nor the painful exposure of the day. We were never meant to last. We were never meant to do anything more than to heal each other from the scars and sadness we caused ourselves. The only thing I have left of you, that is the song that you made for me. The song that broke my heart, never to be healed again.

I see you in my morning paper every other week, painfully reminding me of how we crashed into that wall. It does not matter that years gone by,  it still hurts me more than anything else. Because us were the only thing ever to be able to get met out of the dark.

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